Death of The Old Self

12 Apr

Maybe it is not enough to grow up and grow old. Perhaps we all desire something more, deep inside- beyond blowing out the cake candles and singing along to birthday songs. Surely, there has to be more to the lives and times of all of us, hasn’t there?

Everyone else seems to have gotten it- their niche I mean. Winning medals and awards, getting recognition for their exemplary works in all fields possible, thinking up million dollar ideas overnight! Me? Well, I have tried, tried and tried again. Sometimes I feigned interest in different works, other times it was genuine; but most times if not all, I missed the mark. So I got up, decided it was someone else’s field and I moved on, to covet and subdue new lands. But history is keen on repeating itself. Years upon years of hustle and trying in vain before running away did nothing but leave me scathed and scarred, rebellious, desperate and frustrated. Wondering where all the energy went, why I felt so wasted, why I had nothing to show for all that time i was alive, skilled and enabled.

And in a sunny and boring week day, I stopped dead in my dreary tracks and remembered a wise man’s quipping: one sharp tool surpasses the utility of ten blunt ones in the hour of need. It was time to slay this dragon of defeat and lack of direction lest it baked me in its sweltering heated breath and swallowed me whole.
Change of plan: Time to stop running, time to start working smart and hard, sharpening skill in what I know I should work towards and become  thoroughly good at .
Change of authority: I can no longer be trusted to make decisions. Total demotion of self, utter devotion to God. I die daily.
Change of attitude: I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. All things, including shutting down my pity-party, comparison and belittling factory and setting it ablaze.
Change of diet: Remembering at all times that I am what I read, I am what I watch, I am who I hang out with and what I listen to and believe in.

It is indeed not enough to grow up and grow old without purpose. Perhaps there is no time like the present to do away with irrelevancies and time wasting pursuits, to actually stop first and decide to start over on a clean slate. There is just one you- not twenty, not ten, not two. So why waste you? Ask He who knows the length of your days and the number of hairs on our head to help you know who you are and what you are about.
Then, onwards onwards! The world needs you 🙂

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Posted by on April 12, 2012 in Prose


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